Almost Paradise

Honestly, I have no idea where my life is heading right now. I have have my head down in the trenches working, working and working. And I'm starting to get this awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that life is going to pass me by swiftly and quietly and next thing I know I will be resigned to a nursing home drooling yogurt and ice cream watching families visit their elders on visiting day.

So naturally the idea of adoption has popped up again. And after paying off the car and all our credit cards in a couple of years, I have to say it's looking awfully enticing, thereby injecting a seed of hope in this dismal working world of mine. There's a part of me that keeps saying this time it will be different. This time we will focus on really what we want and at the same time be realistic about what we want. Blah Blah Blah...give me a month and I may say, "Adoption? Pshshshshshsh, I would never say that!"

In the meantime the family drama continues as always. Here are some of the more stellar and tale telling things about what has been happening the last few months:

1) Koiboy's "step sister" (his stepdad and and her mom have never officially married but have been together forever) at 19 yrs old had her baby a month early. The baby and mom tested positive for pot in their systems, the doc. threatened them with DSHS if they didn't test clean in a month, in the meantime the baby was a preemie and staying at the hospital. During this time, Koiboy's sister, Baby Phat, has whipped herself up into some delusional post PCOS maternal hormone factory convinced she will never concieve...ever, and was acting like she was having the baby driving back and forth to Spokane everyday, holding the baby shower of her dreams (at 3:30 on Wedesday, when no one else could make it) She even stated that she would take the baby since she thought they were too young and couldn't raise it. This from a girl fresh on crutches because she fell at a bar because she was soo drunk and could not remember it. So instead the family turned eyes on us and said, "You can take the baby." Aw hell. Bottom line, we would have renewed our fostering licence for his step sister only, no one else. In spite of most things she does have a good head on her shoulders. But after a few weeks of craziness, the baby was ultimately allowed to go home with his mother, we remained baby free. No matter what people think, this was not a "free baby", he would eventually go back to his momma and in the meantime we would have the baby's father's pothead family on our doorstep all the time. They are so into organics, all the baby shower gifts had to be organic. But two guesses who's waiting to serve time for growing pot in the basement, the first guess does not count.

2) Koiboy's mom was determined to head to Mexico for spring break with his sister. We told her in all probability she would not get her passport because of her drug felonies, and guess which country is having cartel wars and the state was even warning people to stay away for spring break? But they didn't listen, got their airline tickets, hotel rooms, bought their wardrobes and were all packed and ready to go the week before taking off....aaaaaaaand then found out her passport was indeed denied. Of course it was the stinkin state's fault, not hers. So they ate the tickets, rerouted to Las Vegas and proceeded to spend themselves into oblivion so much that his sister had to come back and craigslist a roommate. Of course it was a boy, and of course she isn't letting her landlord know and of course there is no damage deposit or contract. Of course. Not to mention she is on academic probation. At the tender age of 26, she is following in her parents footsteps and is a full blown alcoholic. Although she will never admit that. Even the facts that she parties more that she studies (with her boss from the bank) and comes to work so hung over, that her lovely enabling boss allows her to sleep it off for 2 hours upstairs at the bank and then tells her to tell everyone she was written up on it when she was not, is not enough of a red flag for her to get help. I've done all I can with her, but she's in her own world.

3) I got a phone call from Koiboy's stepdad and girlfriend yesterday. They are worried. Her 21 yr old son is a meth head, depressed and suicidal, wanted for a warrant, he's also wanted for questioning because his car was seen leaving a drive by shooting and is now missing......SINCE FEBRUARY 15th!!! Uhhhhh, that's 2 months ago and they are just NOW asking for help? Did they file a missing persons? No, that would require they clean up and go to the police or risk having and investigating cop at their house. Lord knows when your son has been missing for 2 months that's the biggest concern you have. They think I can magically pull some police strings from across the state and produce their son. I'm trying to get them to file a missing person, and call the hospitals to look for John Doe's alive and deceased. If they don't do it I can technically do it from over here. But I would really perfer that they handle it.

4) Koiboy's mom, the MILF from hell is coming over for WSU's Mom's Weekend this weekend. Nuff said.

5) And what about my family in Montana? Besides being my older brother's family being flooded out and 3 trees almost falling on their home in NJ, my mom calling every day with some new herb she wants me to take because her friends are all dying or dead from cancer, the last one was what I call "Icky Berry", dad tearing out the shower downstairs and then upset because he cant find the shower handle he wants and calls Koiboy to try and find it for him in Washington, and my little brother texting offensive jokes and cartoons to me every other hour, they're golden.

Needless to say, summer is almost here and we need a vacation in the land called far far away. But thanks to a boss being gone for a month in July, a hissy woman dropping her position to 10 months and the Bottomless Well of Tears being off this summer, that just leave little ol me in the office. Maybe I'll redecorate with some palm leaves, a little tub of warm water and sand under my desk and a strong lamp in my eyes, while I wrestle with the notion of adopting, filing missing person's reports, checking out local 12 step programs and knocking back a few herbs.

Sounds like paradise to me.