Damn It

Ahh the blog-o-sphere...shall we try this again? I guess I quit because I felt completely overwhelmed and my life was over.

"Nothing to see here folks, move along. Just a train wreck of a life, we're sopping up the blood and burying the bones...move along. "

But alas after much rest I do believe this Rocky still has one round left in her. On to better things, put the past and kid thing behind me. We actually attended the adoption party 2 weeks ago for our 2 former foster kids. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself all day, but I really didn't dread it. We went, my how they have grown up, gave hugs, props, kisses and left. And that was about it. Nothing. No regrets, no tears, maybe just a feeling of closure and satisfaction with a side dish of "now what?"

On the up side I have been asked to be on a panel of Transnational Adoptees at the Seattle Filipino Americans National Historical Society in July. I'm excited. I guess to move forward, I once again must go back. However, this has spurred the "I gotta lose some weight!" mentality. Lord knows I don't want to be the Porky Filipino on the panel. I may belong to the tiny, skinny waisted race of Filipinos, but sorry folks, this Cadillac body was built in the U.. S of A... huuuraahh!

So I have dusted of my bike, whom I have lovingly dubbed "The Purple Shamoo". Cause it's purple, I refuse to read the Shimano gear label correctly on the side and I look like a whale while riding. Not kidding. It's been 7 years since I rode that thing. I make Koiboy ride in front so he's not subjected to my ass hanging over the seat, which I'm sure looks like a down pillow draped over a watermelon. My first ride we went 4 miles, much to the chagrin of my pubic bone. I need to wear depends or something with padding, holy crap! So to give my butt a break, we have been doing a lot of walking. Of course it's not all with out incentive. Walk to the coffee shop downtown, get a coffee drink, walk it off on the way back home, grab a frozen yogurt afterward....I don't think I'm getting the holistic concept of exercising to lose weight here. But at least it's something.

And that has become the new mantra of my life. "Hey, at least it's something." Better than this bottomless pit I have been living in.

I've chosen life damn it. So I guess I had better get busy living it.

Damn it.