There are always things that we say around our house that have no business falling out of our mouths...that's one of the single joys of not having kids. Periodically I post these, no reason...just another prime example of how crazy and strange we truly are, and why we don't socialize much. There is a definite 5 second rule of listening in our house before you come to any conclusions.
"Do...not....plop your penis in my prayerbook Mister!"
(relax, it was a p-shape turnip he was showing me and was going to drop it on my Jewish book)
(While watching So you think you can Dance) Koiboy, "Sooo, they sure put all their stuff out there for people to see. They got nipple tape, do you suppose they have camel toe tape."..... Me: "Cripes, can you imagine ripping that off?"
"Just because your trying to pull a mind f***, doesn't mean I'm going to to have a mindgasm...I'm a woman, I can totally fake those."
"Oh please, even if you and I were to combine our wonder twin powers, there would not be enough energy to power those blinky kids shoes. That's how tired we are"
Sooo I guess that was kind of like anointing the house with the Kama sutra oil someone gave us for our honeymoon, it totally didn't work. What!?!?! It was the only oil I could find!!!! I was desperate!!
"She could not coordinate a rape in a prison shower if she tried!" (honestly I borrowed this one, but I only use it when I'm really mad.....and you won't like me when I'm mad.)
(relax, it was a p-shape turnip he was showing me and was going to drop it on my Jewish book)
(While watching So you think you can Dance) Koiboy, "Sooo, they sure put all their stuff out there for people to see. They got nipple tape, do you suppose they have camel toe tape."..... Me: "Cripes, can you imagine ripping that off?"
"Just because your trying to pull a mind f***, doesn't mean I'm going to to have a mindgasm...I'm a woman, I can totally fake those."
"Oh please, even if you and I were to combine our wonder twin powers, there would not be enough energy to power those blinky kids shoes. That's how tired we are"
Sooo I guess that was kind of like anointing the house with the Kama sutra oil someone gave us for our honeymoon, it totally didn't work. What!?!?! It was the only oil I could find!!!! I was desperate!!
"She could not coordinate a rape in a prison shower if she tried!" (honestly I borrowed this one, but I only use it when I'm really mad.....and you won't like me when I'm mad.)
"No one uses it, I believe that our lactation station is in fact where the booby train resides. Koiboy likes to refer to it as Nipplegate."
Yes, it's been that kind of month. A little crazy mixed in with a whole lotta Homer Odyssey; tragic comedy. I'm serious about the Stockholm Syndrome. I've always seen it in action, but never been a victim of it before. When I found myself making excuses to sympathize with this person I had to put the breaks on full, back the stupid bus up and turn the hell around. I think I'm back on track with a better attitude. However, I do feel I'm better balanced for the semesters ahead.
“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
Amen to that.
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