Rarely do I complain about ACTUAL events at work, esp. office people because that can come around and bite you on the butt. However, I will make an exception, just this once because I'm going crazy. Here's something for you all to note......do not ever work in an office where all the females are dieting. Not just dieting, but taking HCG to diet. Ever "fact reliable Wiki" states that the majority of HCG is derived from pregnant women's urine, only one by genetic modification. Ewww. Apparently, (now don't be getting any ideas about taking this stuff) this pregnancy hormone tricks your body into thinking it's pregnant and you start burning your fat for energy...or something like that, coupled with an appetite suppressant, and a 500 calorie diet, voila..the pounds shed off like a pig on a greased log. But...it's still pee!! Ewww.
First of all, "WHAT PREGNANT WOMAN SELLS HER PEE!?!?" Is there some sort of black market out there with a person running around with pee cups strapped inside their trench coat, "psssting" pregnant women into dark alleys to make a deal?
Let's just ignore the fact that if ANYONE suddenly drops to a 500 caloric intake a day diet any weight would be lost...pee free. But let me tell you, anyone who suddenly takes that drop can be hard to deal with!!! They go on for a few weeks, go off for a week, (cake appears in the fridge again) and back on for a few weeks. There are days I just want to leave a trail of Doritos wherever I go just so they would eat and be sane. So as you can guess, this week is a back on week. They go back and forth from the kitchen and just stand there and stare like they are hoping that empty calorie food will materialize, and when it doesn't they sigh, grab their apple slices and talk about how hungry they are, but hey they lost five pounds!! They keep trying to get me to join them, a) implying I need to diet...*ahem... and b) it's totally safe for diabetics...NOT. It would be so hard to control your blood sugar on 500 calories a day. So I smile and say no thanks, as I lean back and take a bite out of my sandwich. Is it rude to talk with your mouth full?
Oh, and part three on our residential burglar, he skipped the arraignment and now there is a bench warrant for his arrest with bail for 10,000.00. So he's out there still. We totally found him on facebook, and he's out of reach from the long arm of the law in Idaho, just 7 miles away, facebooking about how bored he is. The cops said I could send a request to the prosecuting attorney to see what the jurisdiction is on the warrant and request it be extended to include ID so he can be extradited back to our little town. I'm thinking about it. It just kind of torks my shorts that he comes into our lives, upsets things and is "Totally bored today" 7 miles away.
On the upside we did get out camping. It rained the first night. Hard. We forgot the air mattress so Koiboy had to drive 45 min. to big K in the Dalles to get one just as they were closing, because there was no way we were going to sleep our old bones on the ground. We also bought this huge screen tent to hang out in, but had never put it up before. Picture the two most uncampy type of people, trying to put up a screen tent in the dark with rain pouring down. Did you not think a few choice words were exchanged? They are lucky they didn't find our bodies hanging from the trees wrapped in mosquito netting the next morning, swinging back and forth trying to get at each other. I did however find a love for percolated coffee over the fire.
And in the tradition of be a totally stupor hero dork wad, somehow I had obtained two huge long bruises across the top part of my wrists. I think it was from carrying heavy loads in bags across my wrists. Anyway, it looks like Koiboy has been grabbing me or that he needs to reupholster his love cuffs. At any rate, it was warranted a lot of concerned looks for me, evil looks for Koiboy or some "right on" thumbs up from other questionable characters. After two weeks they are finally beginning to fade.
So as you can see, between the pee dieting, channeling the doghunter and shuffling behind my husband looking downtrodden in the stores with my bruises just to annoy him, it's shaping up to be a pretty fun summer. Wooo-peeeeee!! (No pun intended)
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